Danrambles’s Weblog

I don’t want a boyfriend…  I really dislike relationships.  I’ve been in plenty of relationships in the past, some with amazing guys, and no matter what I feel trapped each time, like I’m going to suffocate unless me and whoever the other person is break up.  Countless times I’ve broken things off with people for this reason or that, when the true motive behind it is that I just don’t want to be with somone.  Regardless of how terrific they are.

So why is it that almost every time I leave my apartment, I hope to meet someone in some sort of fairy tale way?  I walk the dog and half-expect a guy to come up and ‘woo’ me with his banter.  When I go to the grocery store I think that someone at any moment is going to walk up and make a joke about my produce selection before asking me to have coffee.  And not only do I hope to meet some great person at some random location, but I also hope for him to fight to win me over.  He’ll quickly realize that I don’t like relationships, and therefore will try over and over to convince me that we’d be great together.

It makes no sense!  I’ve seriously stopped talking to people before that I’ve dated only because I feel like it could turn into something, and so end things before it does.  I have people around right now that are fantastic and want to be in a relationship with me, and I continue to turn down the option.  So then why am I hoping to find something with a stranger that I already have or have had with certain people very close to me?  I’m not sure if I’m demented, or if fairy tale romances just get burned into our brains when we’re kids.. and even though we know it doesn’t exist or work, we still look for it everyday.

*sorry that this posting is random and unfunny.  I normally try to be a little more upbeat and fun, but this is what’s on my mind tonight..